


First Time You're Gone

by Jenna Hilary Sinclair (JennaHilary)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 15:57:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11740338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennaHilary/pseuds/Jenna%20Hilary%20Sinclair
Summary: Spock goes away on a trip to Vulcan





	First Time You're Gone

After you left this morning I asked myself  
Why we spent last night with Bones and his Catherine.  
Wish I’d kept you to myself.  
Wish we’d gone to that restaurant on the pier north of Monterey, just the two of us.  
(You know the one, where the food’s so good it makes you almost-smile, and the last time we were there the moonbeams streaming through the windows touched your hair with shining light, and your eyes were all the sun or moon I’d ever need.)  
I love the way you eat artichokes.

After you left today and the transporter station began to clear out,  
I asked myself why I took the call that came this morning during breakfast.   
Wish I hadn’t talked on the vid-com,  
Half my attention on Harry, half on you.  
Wish I’d told Harry to go to hell, and sat myself down across from you and talked and looked.  
(I know I’m not good company in the morning. I brood over coffee and the morning news, complain about that disgusting crunchy stuff you eat. But I’m going to miss the way you bend down to kiss me good-bye when you go off to an early class. Have you noticed, I’m always awake enough to kiss you back? Miss you. Miss you already.)  
I love the flavor of orange juice on your lips.

This afternoon Bob Perez and Hannah asked me to their house for dinner.  
Bob and I served on the Farragut,   
And he’s trying to innocently re-kindle an old friendship without the political undercurrents  
I so often encounter.  
So I said yes to the dinner, but I wish you were coming with me.  
They’d open the door and I’d say, “This is my partner, Spock.”   
(I like saying that, you know, because I’m proud of you. And yes, proud of myself for having the wits to realize that you were the key to my happiness. How close we came to never reaching for one another, love.)   
I love how your arms fold ‘round me, how you scratch that spot on my back that I can never reach. 

Do you ever think of that time before,  
And wonder what it would be like to still be alone?  
Are you thinking that now as your ship warps towards Vulcan?   
I have been.   
(It’s going to be a very long three months, but we’re not alone, are we? I have not been alone since that day on your homeworld that I will never forget, the first day of my better life. But even without the bond, you would be with me, my heart.)   
I love the way your heart beats against my palm when I try to tickle you. 

Tonight Bob and Hannah will wine and dine me, trying to get to know me better,  
And probably they’ll mention Hannah’s sister or cousin or her best friend,  
And that’s when I’ll tell them about you.   
They’ll try to cover up their surprise  
Because you’re tall, dark and most especially, male.   
Besides, humans and Vulcans don’t mix.   
(Bob knew me when all the world was a stage for my heroics, and I knew myself far less than I understood my ambition. Now my ambition has narrowed to small hopes: that your ship arrives at Vulcan safely, that you’ll surprise me by coming home earlier than I expect, that we’ll make love three months from now with the same intense, joyful communion as we did this morning.)   
I love the way we always have to look for the cap to the lubricant, afterwards, because you lose it every time.

I know you’ll say hello to Amanda and Sarek for me  
(their black sheep, difficult-to-explain second son),  
And you’ll represent me well at the clan gathering.   
I’ll keep the homefires burning,  
Store your mail, water that stupid plant you keep in our bedroom, send you vid messages as often as I can,  
And count every day until you’re back.   
(Can’t ever get enough of you. Can’t ever get enough.)  
Love you. 

Love you. Miss you.   
Love you.


End file.
